Don't be so careful. Color outside the lines.

Tonight I went on a drive.  Not very economical, I suppose.  The weather was gorgeous, a warm night, and it was dark but not late.  I wanted to go on a walk … or go to a bon-fire … but this sufficed.

I had an incredible day.  I felt filled with joy, passion, reflection, nostalgia, gratefulness … lots at once.  :)  This afternoon the weather was beautiful for once – it got up to 70 degrees – and I went on a bike ride for an hour and a half!  It was beautiful to glide through nature, the forests and trails by the Cedar River and the state park and take it all in.  Everyone I passed was in such a good mood, grateful to be outside.  Good to be alive, on a day like this.

Then tonight was beyond blessed.  I had my final woodwind quintet rehearsal, and I had fun truly making music and playing expressively with these four other fabulous musicians – it was beautiful!  Afterward, some friends and I went out for Mexican food for my 22^nd birthday.  Friends are the. best.  People are the best.  Relationships.  Don’t ever take them for granted.  I love you guys!!  It was super light-hearted and fun – and delicious!  I felt loved.  Then it got my heart wandering … back to freshman year, three years ago, when my friends and I also went to Amigos for my 19^th birthday… it’s like I’ve come full circle.  I have looooved my experiences in college so much, and I can’t believe they are almost coming to an end.  I’m soooo thankful, reflective, passionate, open-hearted.  :)

Afterward I sat by some friends at the debut performance of the Concert Band!  It was fun to bond with friends and see people express themselves through music.  I got to talk to lots of people afterward, and I seriously felt like I was sharing in joy.

I absolutely admire people who can be themselves freely and express their hearts.  They make the most of life, by not worrying what others think of them or being afraid to try new things, but jumping in confidently and giving their all to follow their dreams and passions!  I saw that in Ashley and Cory tonight.  Thank you guys!!

Life is too short to live it halfway.  Make the absolute most of your time.  Pursue friendships.  Love people, even at the expense of getting hurt.  Be yourself.  Shoot for the moon.  Go for your dreams.  Don’t hold back.

Seriously, if you get one thing from this post, dedicate yourself to your relationships.  Your friends, family, sisters (whether literal sisters or best friends or that person you look up to) make the world go ‘round.  They make life exciting.  Tell people how you feel about them – express your gratitude, and go the extra mile to do something for them.  It means everything!!  Be a friend to the person who is shy or has no friends.  You could make the difference in their life.

Tonight after the concert, I said hi to a bunch of people, even some people I hadn’t talked to since pep band a year ago – don’t be afraid!  (It’s only awkward if you make it awkward, right? ;)  It was so fun.  College has grown me a ton, and the support of amazing friends has shown me how I can be my crazy, passionate self and not worry what people think.  (My ed classes make me want to say “I have a secure base” haha).  But it’s so silly sometimes when I still get self-conscious or fear stupid things.  Live life freely!  “There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out all fear.”  This is something I’ve been learning all year – I used to be fine with playing my clarinet, but when it came to teaching, I felt inexperienced and was afraid to go for it – I didn’t think I was that good at it yet.  But you know what?  That’s focusing on ME – if I just go for it, focus on the kids, and do my best, confidently, even if I screw up, the kids will forgive me for it (hopefully) and respect me for trying rather than being too self-conscious to jump in.  My Level III mentor teacher built me up and encouraged me that I was doing well and didn’t need to try to “color inside someone else’s lines” but be myself and teach how I wanted to and try things and see what works!  His confidence in me made all the difference – teaching became sooo fun and not like a standard I had to live up to.  (P.S.  Words of encouragement mean the WORLD to me … my love language lol).

So then tonight I was soooo thankful for friends, the people who have influenced me in college, the places I had been, the ways I had grown, … and also the places where I’m still weak and have room to grow.  Like yesterday morning in Jazz Methods class where I was behind on preparing my score, and I just felt so unprepared and incompetent at jazz…I wish I could go back in time and join jazz band in 7^th grade – it sounds fun!  And there’s sooo much to it!  And there’s sooo much more I could learn about creativity … sometimes I think I “color inside the lines” too much with music.  I love playing and being expressive… but I hope I take risks and play creatively and freely too. :)  I love it.  I should do it more.

Anyway, with the lovely weather and all my thoughts, I wanted to go on a quick drive around by some of my favorite places in this lovely city.  AND I turned up my music super loud and (now that my cold is gone and I have my singing voice back!,) belted it out!  Haha!  I absolutely LOVE this song, to express my strengths and weaknesses and just sing it out about life:

“I tell myself that I can do better
Someday I'm gonna get it all together
Who am I fooling?
I am weak and prone to be
The me that I will always be
So what's left to do but surrender?

This is where I end
And this is where You start
And everything I needed
Is everything You are
Love has come for me
Oh, love has come for me

I've never understood but it's amazing
The way you never let the past enslave me
How do you do it?
Love the heart, the part of me
That desperately needs a remedy
I wanna be a life You keep changing

Cause this is where I end
And this is where You start
And everything I needed
Is everything You are
Love has come for me
Oh, love has come for me

And I'll go where You want me to be
And even though I may be broken
I can see Your love has come for me

I'm never gonna get it all together
So, what's left to do but surrender?

Cause this is where I end
And this is where You start
And everything I needed
Is everything You are
Love has come for me
Love has come for me
Yeah, love has come for me
Love has come for me”

There will always be struggles, but that’s not the end of the story.  :)

The rest of the “quote” … “There is no fear in love, for perfect love casts out all fear.  If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love.”  :)

Don’t be afraid.  When you come to the end of yourself and feel like you can’t do it all, let someone help.  :)  Let love in.  Be yourself, be freely you.  You are beautiful.  Be the person you were created to be, expressing the things that move you and the desires of your heart; the things that truly mean something to you.  People will see your heart through it and love it, so much more than when you hide and only portray yourself as the person you think others want you to be.  Be you!  Ah!  I love it.  I hope I can continue to take my own advice!  Not gonna lie, getting the approval of others feels really good.  You feel loved, important, needed.  But when you don’t hear the compliments or see the smiles of others, do you still have worth?  Of course!!  YOU are LOVED, BEAUTIFUL, MADE WORTHY!

I feel like music allows us to express our hearts so much.  We have to open up to give our best and make something of it.  To do more than just playing the notes and rhythms and getting the show finished.  More than “coloring inside the lines”.  I remember the first times I took chances in a performance – nothing crazy like adding in a chromatic scale up to high C, lol, but playing with feeling, really building to the high point of the phrase, … and not just playing “not to squeak”.  Really listening to others and creating something together rather than playing my part and calling it good.  That would be selfish.  Playing at “Adventureland band contest” with my high school symphony band on my 16^th birthday… playing the solo on “Dusk” … breath-taking… performing in Italy … what better place to give your all? … and Brahms at the orchestra concert  this week – the whole group played with passion and emotion and let it go!  And it was so powerful!  Thank you!

OK now I’m rambling.  I just invite you all to be real.  To go for things.  To be yourself, to express yourself, to be creative, to have true, real friendships where you can express both your joys and sorrows and hurts and mistakes … and crazy ridiculousness.  :)  Have fun.  Make the most of the time.  Stay up late sometimes.  Put the work in to be successful, but put the play in too.  Hope you got some encouragement from my thoughts!  I am so thankful for everyone I know and for all the experiences I’ve gotten!!!  Wow!

One last thought:  I read this today:

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you;

  Bind them around your neck,

  Write them on the tablet of your heart.”

Love your friends, love your enemies, love yourself, love God.  Be true to your friends, yourself, and be faithful.  It’s worth it.

(1 John 4:18, Proverbs 3:3)