Part of Matthew 6 in the Bible says this:
"24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Wow what an encouraging passage!
1) Serve God alone
2) Don't worry about anything!
3) God gives you what you need when you seek Him 1st before everything else
4) Live each day, not worrying about the future
Easier said than done. But let me tell you, when you even give up a little bit of your control to God and entrust your life to Him, amazing things start to happen. When I've had big decisions, or little ones, (they all seem big to me ;), and I've sought God - listened, cried out to Him in prayer, been still, slowly read parts of the Bible... the right decision usually falls into place. It's weirdly awesome!
Back during my freshman year, I wanted to be an English major and do music on the side. However, I loved all my music classes and English was just ok. For some reason, I had never considered Music Education before, but it kind of came to me one day. I remember going on a run by the towers with a friend and telling her this revelation. Hmm, could be cool! But I was super slow to take this leap of faith into something new, out of the blue, that I hadn't considered before.
I doubted it for months. I switched my major during the second semester of my freshman year, but I was pretty unsure and not confident for about another year. In high school, I had always thought "being a band director" sounded "dorky" and maybe I should "do something harder" lol... I knew God placed this idea in my mind, but I was slow to trust.
Gradually, I took more Music Ed and regular Ed classes and loved them all. I considered Music Performance, but I felt like that career path wasn't me -- I want to inspire kids and share the gift of music with a bunch of people. A lot of non-music people don't understand why I'd want to do Music Ed, but I am excited for it... although for a long time, I was still hesitant. Why? Slow to trust, trying to please the world... I still had a ridiculous inkling to "be normal", which in my family meant a businessy major. Dumb desire for me! ;) Others hinted that I "should" do performance... I was asking, God, what do You want for me? I live for You, to do Your will -- I know that will be Your best for me, whether I think so or not!
I looooove music so much. I know that Music was the right major for me. Music is a beautiful gift from God, and I want to use it to bring Him honor and praise. Not for my glory, but for His alone. Over time, I've gained more confidence in Music Education. I loved the music ed conferences I attended and the educators I've gotten to work with. Plus, looking back on my experiences, band was my reason for coming to school!! I mean, I would've gone anyway and I liked classes... but band was the highlight, the class that got me excited for school each day. It was a community, a family, a home base, a passion, a break from lecture classes, an art, a joy, every day! It stimulated my brain and heart.
But I'm still left with the questions... what age group? Elementary general or band or junior high or high school? Will I really like it? What if no one is motivated? What if I'm bad at leading a whole class? - people always say I look nervous during class presentations. What if I can't separate work from the rest of my life and have absolutely no free time or time to spend with my future family?
AND GUESS WHAT. I read The Sacred Acre by Mark Tabb about Ed Thomas, a Christ-centered, inspirational man, teacher, and football coach in Parkersburg who tragically died but left a legacy for others to follow. HE INSPIRED ME. CHRIST INSPIRED ME. Reading parts of that book, in tears, God gave me a revelation - there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to be a music educator. Not only did that man teach high schoolers about history and football, he taught them how to live. How to work hard for the right reasons, how to help others and serve the community...... indirectly? How to be like Jesus. And what happened as a result? Since he followed God's call for him to give his heart to those kids and their high school football field for generations, soooo many people were blessed by his selflessness and obedience to God, to the Holy Spirit working through Him.
And you know what? I felt like God was saying: Stephanie, you can make a difference too. I work best through your weaknesses. What?! I have the opportunity to be used by God to be an inspiration to sooo many kids in this continually-more-hurting world to give them a hope and a joy and a reason to come to school??? And hopefully more than just learning about music too. I don't know what to do as a teacher, I'm sooo not perfect, I can't do it...alone -- but GOD SURE CAN!!
[Brief interjection -- the song "Follow You" by Leeland just came on my Pandora -- seems fitting!!! :) ]
GUESS WHAT. My doubt of God's call for me to do Music Education was really just me not trusting, withholding the gifts I have and love and know I want to use, fearing His ability to let me lead big classes and other things currently foreign to me, AND---
MAKING IT ALL ABOUT ME. DUDE! Where was my faith? If God's calling me to something, He will make it great! Maybe I want free time or I don't think I'd be a strong enough leader/teacher. BUT! HE will do the work and I will feel His help and JOY as a result!! I have a deep-down, God-given desire to inspire kids, to give them HOPE, to LOVE them!! And God will bless them through me if I surrender to Him. And MUSIC is such a gift from Him, (Eph. 5:19, Psalms! etc!!), and I can share music-making with them! I can be present in a public school around so many kids and share this musical community with them! Extra-curricular groups are soo awesome for bonding, because you spend soo much time together. What a gift! How could I lose these passions? Selfishly making it all about me, and what I thought was "normal" and what I "should" do. What is "should"? "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and [everything else you need] will be given to you as well." - Mt. 6:33
OK, reality check --- don't get me wrong, I know it won't all be sunshine and roses and giggles. It will be busy. Some kids won't be motivated. It will be loud. But if God wants to use me in that way? If one kid gains hope or joy through something I did, it would be worth it. (Reminds me of the song "Sea of Faces" by Kutless when it says "If only my one heart was all you'd gain from all it cost, well I know, You would have still been a man with a reason to willingly offer Your life!" Wow. And all I'm offering is my job, a job that I enjoy!) Plus I can encourage other teachers, get to know families, continue to play music, keep learning...
God is the coolest. Don't hesitate to trust Him. Don't worry about the future. He's got it, if only you seek Him!! And even if He calls you to do menial tasks or wait, (work at Target tomorrow...), He will give you joy in it as a result if you are following Him and let Him use you. Live each day for Him -- you never know what a difference you'll make in someone's else's life. God is cool like that. We may not always see the fruit, but He is at work. His Word will not return empty.
(Isaiah 55:10-12 -
"10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. 12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.")
Also, John 15:5 -
"'I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.'"
Wow God is cool. Let Him lead. :)
(I don't think I worded this quite as purely as the first night He revealed it to me -- here's my original thought, which I first typed into my phone as a text draft when it came to me:
• After I finish the Ed Thomas book, blog about Music Ed – it’s not even about music half as much as I thought. Music is an amazing gift from God, but it's not God. There is more to life too. Music’s my medium. How did I lose my passion? I was making it ALL about ME and how busy I didn’t want to be. I want to serve and love those kids and inspire them for eternity. Ed Thomas is such a role model for me; Christ is my role model. :) :) Wow I’m realizing the whole idea of my future was about me!! If God’s calling me to it, I trust His Grand purposes to endure!
Is there anything you need to entrust to God today? God reminded me how much better it is when we live in light of His purposes. Trust and stand secure in His ways - it will be a testimony to others through your faith!
Proverbs 3:5-6 -
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Thank You, Lord, for this opportunity to see You at work and encourage others in the same boat! Use this as You will! <3
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